The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
