Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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