can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
