why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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