the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
