his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
