so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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