if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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