fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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