I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
