everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
