Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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