I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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