It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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