Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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