You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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