I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
