I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize