so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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