It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
