I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
