Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
