No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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