dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
