Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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