He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
