And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
