I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
