If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
