i can't believe i had my finger in that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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