i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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