ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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