I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
