Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
