Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They are going to name an STD after you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
