nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
