time to smoke my breakfast
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
