Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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