Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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