i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
MIDGETS
????
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
