You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
