What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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