I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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