the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
