Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
