I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
