I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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