On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
