You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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