So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
