Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Terrible idea I love it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
