I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
