My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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