quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
