i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
