Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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