Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
