WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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