how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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