Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
