White coat. Heels.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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