Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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