Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
