Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Im part way to drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
