woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
