I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
