I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i think my cat just said my name.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
