How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
