does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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