i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
