i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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