i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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