That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
