So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
