walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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